Since I last updated this blog I haven’t engaged in a lot of
travel. After a great four weeks at home and in London for the Olympics I
arrived back in Melbourne with just four months remaining on my second working
holiday visa. However, I managed to find sponsorship off an employer allowing
me to remain in Australia for longer. The majority of the last 8 months have
therefore been dominated by work, study, athletics training and general
socialising which isn’t really travel blog worthy. However during this time I
have managed to squeeze a couple of memorable trips in, thanks largely to two
cousins from Ireland visiting Melbourne: one for two months, and the other, his
brother, joining us for two weeks over Christmas.
First up was a 2 day visit to the Grampians National Park in
mid-November 2012. This wasn’t my first time exploring this stunning West
Victorian mountain range however. Back in February 2011 myself and a friend
took a trip there as part of a 3 day tour incorporating the Great Ocean Road.
However, thanks to the devastating floods a month earlier, the vast majority of
the National Park was closed to the public. This was incredibly disappointing
and it left me with a feeling of unfinished business.
So with two gloriously sunny days forecasted my cousin and I
rented a car and travelled a total of 800km from start to finish, covering the
national park from head to tail. We stayed overnight in a cosy hostel in the
quaint town of Halls Gap, situated on the foothills of the mountain range,
providing a perfect base to explore everything the Grampians has to offer.
The trip got off to the best possible start when on the long
drive to Halls Gap we encountered a grey kangaroo on a quiet paved back road.
No doubt caught off guard and completely out of its depth with regards to
intellectual thinking, it simply could not find a productive solution to this
problem. So rather than escape into a field to safety from the perceived danger
of two snap happy Irishmen, it instead panicked and just bounced along the road
in front of us for a solid five minutes giving these delighted tourists a
first-hand view of stereotypical Australia. You just can’t beat it!
Day 1 took us to all the best known tourist attractions, the
areas I was denied the pleasure of seeing on my previous visit. We took a
challenging hike through the picturesque Grand Canyon up to the renowned
Pinnacle lookout which provides panoramic views of the entire region from a leg
weakening height. Another memorable walk was the hike down numerous steps to
McKenzie Falls. Since visiting the jaw dropping Iguassu Falls on the Argentine/
Brazil border in late 2010 I have never looked at waterfalls the same way
since, but nevertheless I was impressed with the sheer force of McKenzie and in
particular it’s cosy location buried deep in the forest of the mountain range. Other
beautiful viewing spots we took in were the Boroka Lookout, Reed Lookout and
the Balconies, formerly known as Jaws of Death due to a rock formation
resembling the mouth of a ravenous shark. I’m not sure why the name was changed
but like everything else these days, my guess would be that the original title
wasn’t PC enough for this overly sensitive world! The Balconies provided a
stunning sunset to cap off an exhausting day of bushwalking and hiking. The
random discovery of an Indian restaurant in the tiny village of Halls Gap, much
to the delight of my cousin who just would not give up looking until he found
one, followed by numerous beers was much warranted.
Day 2 however provided the undoubted highlight of the trip.
While the sites from the first day were quite stunning, all of the roads we
travelled on were paved (or made of bitumen as my cousin likes to say) and
there were plenty of other tourists around. The second day took us out into the
remote part of the Grampians, the feeling of being in “real” Australia. We took
the unpaved Mt Zero Road which brought us all the way from Halls Gap up to the
most serene and picturesque part of the entire national park, right at the very
north where three beautiful mountains stand tall: Mt Stapleton, Mt Zero and
Hollow Mountain. In the process we painted our roomy automobile a nice sandy
colour. No sympathy for the Hertz cleaning staff though. It’s pretty impossible
to properly explore Australia without getting your hands dirty!
Of the aforementioned mountains we opted to take the hike to
the top of Mt Stapleton. I know I praise a lot of things that I see but this
hike was among the most enjoyable and refreshing I have ever undertaken. Unlike
other hikes, this one was not particularly well marked, with not a lot of trail
and very little tourists. We got lost a few times but that only added to the
fun of it all. My cousin has hiked the highest mountains in Africa, South
America and Europe so this can in no way be considered difficult in the grand
scheme of things, and somebody of reasonable fitness levels should have no
problem negotiating this rough and at times semi-steep terrain. It does nonetheless
provide a challenge worthy of making the views at the top feel that much more
satisfying and worthwhile. I genuinely would consider the Mt Zero Road drive
and the Mt Stapleton hike to be at the top of my list of places I have seen in
Victoria, and such a statement does not get thrown around without serious
consideration.
Just before Christmas, with the second of my cousins having
landed in Melbourne all bright eyed and bushy tailed, we didn’t waste much time
before setting off on the long 700km journey from Melbourne to the city of
Mildura, located on the Murray River, the natural border between the states of
Victoria and New South Wales. This would be our base for three nights allowing
us to scope out the surrounding areas.
The first thing I noticed about Mildura was the roughness of
the place. Granted we arrived at the worst possible time, just before midnight
on a Friday evening, but upon parking our car before checking into our hotel we
were greeted by a flock of scumbags sitting outside a neighbouring bar. No
threatening behaviour but certainly not the most accommodating at the same
time. The three of us unanimously agreed that this was not an establishment
where we wanted to enjoy our Friday night beverages so we set off down the town
in search of a more respectable drinking habitat. Alas, our efforts were to be
in vein. Everywhere else was either closed or filled with even more regrettable
clientele. All I wanted was a quiet pint in a cosy corner pub, with the
possible, though not necessary, packet of crisps to accompany it. In a forlorn
effort to find such an institution, I inquired off a few puzzled police
officers for recommendations. They pointed us right back to where we started!
Mildura by day operated to a more respectable level, with many
restaurants of surprising cultural variety available along a small strip in the
town centre. Needless to say we made the obligatory trip to the local Indian
eatery to satisfy my cousin’s daily vindaloo requirement! However Mildura, like
most Victorian regional cities is remarkably uninspiring. Firstly the town is
laid out in perfectly square blocks, which may be logical and efficient, but deprives
the place of any sort of soul and does nothing to make it look any less generic
than the rest of the Victorian country towns I have visited, with the notable
exception of Bendigo. They all look like complete replicas of each other with
the same boring layout and same ugly mass-produced architecture. There is very
little difference between Mildura, Wangaratta, Benella and Shepparton. Miles
apart in distance, but remarkably close in their respective abilities to excite
tourists!
However, it’s the country villages in the North-Western region of Victoria which are the
most disappointing. We passed a lot of small places throughout our three day
trip and they were all as dull and morbid as each other. When I think of
country villages I cast my mind to charismatic local communities in Ireland,
the beautiful thatched cottage settlements of England or the narrow and windy
cobblestoned paradises of Italy and France. Most villages in this part of Victoria have
nothing of interest. Much like the towns they all look the exact same: places
lacking in any evidence of life, soul, culture or heart, built around one
straight wide road with constructions so hideous that some of the world’s
biggest cities would be impressed! There was not one village we passed that did
not possess a dilapidated old mill like structure. It truly was a ghastly
sight. It’s quite ironic that the country with one of the most beautiful
landscapes on offer possesses some of the ugliest architecture. In addition the
culinary experiences one acquires in these forgettable townships are among the
worst one could find. There must be some form of local requirement for each
menu item to be soaked in, at the very minimum, 50 grams of saturated fat!
Australia has one of the highest obesity rates in the world, something which is
particularly prevalent in rural Victoria and after witnessing the inedible
heart-attack-on-a-plate dining experiences on offer it is little wonder why!
This is most certainly not Australia at its finest.
During our two full days in the Mildura region we braved
barbaric temperatures which peaked at an energy sapping 42 degrees Celsius on
the second day. There really is not a lot one can do in such extreme conditions
so we spent that day in the car driving aimlessly through the Victorian
outback. It was a fascinating journey. Firstly the Victorian outback doesn’t
share a similar appearance to the well photographed outback of the Red Centre
and Western Australia. I was quite surprised to see that the region contained a
lot of meadows, albeit well and truly yellow due to virtually no precipitation,
with very little of the rough dirt and spinifex which is a common feature of
much of the nation. Being honest I didn’t find this alternative outback
anywhere near as picturesque but it was interesting to see nonetheless.
We drove to the South Australian state border for no other
reason but to say we did so and to get a cheesy touristy photo beside the road
sign. However our joy was short lived. No sooner had we parked the vehicle and
entered the unforgiving sunshine, when an army of flies attacked us from all
angles. They seemed to have quite a fetish for my eyeballs of all places. It
was a very distressing experience, which took all enjoyment out of the not so
remarkable state border. Unlike flies in most countries, which tend to migrate
elsewhere when not welcome, the Australian breed of these useless creatures
will keep at you until they get their way. They simply do not take no for an
answer. We lasted about 75 seconds before giving up and stepping back into the
car.
Another interesting aspect of this journey was the amount of
places we encountered which were loud and proud on the road atlas, yet silent
and not very violent in reality. Only in Australia does an isolated mill, a
crossroads, or a gate make it onto a map with a placename and a big black dot
beside it indicating something a bit more mentally stimulating. However it is a
rather big land with not a lot of towns to fill it with so you can’t really
blame the Ordinance Survey guys for getting a little distracted!
The main reason for our trip to Mildura however was to
discover the nearby Mungo National Park located 100km from the city, over the
border in the state of New South Wales. The three of us are all passionate and
experienced outback explorers at this stage so it was unanimously agreed that
any trip out of Melbourne had to touch on this theme. Initially we considered
negotiating the national park and it’s unsealed roads ourselves, but with
excessive temperatures forecasted and the reality dawning on us that we would
need to bring everything but the kitchen sink along in case of an emergency, we
thought better of the notion of traipsing out into the wilderness by ourselves
and opted to take the easy option with a local tour operator named Harry Nanya
Tours, run by a traditional Paakantyi aboriginal named Graham Clarke.
Mungo National Park is part of the Willandra Lakes which was
inscribed onto the UNESCO World Heritage list in 1981 for being the site of one
of the oldest places of human life on earth with evidence dating back 60,000
years. Remains of the bodies of “Mungo Man” and “Mungo Lady” were discovered
here making Lake Mungo an extremely significant archaeological site. The lakes
these days are completely bone dry and have been so for 18,000 years. Unless
you are told where Lake Mungo is then it can be hard to identify it from the
rest of the barren landscape, which resembled more closely the type of Outback
that I had come to see, full of dirt, dust, spinifex and other rough
vegetation. Now THIS is Australia!
After taking some time to enjoy the views over the lake our
tour guide proceeded to give our group of five an insight into aboriginal life,
the problems facing his people and his very passionate opinions on all sorts of
topics which were very interesting, if not a bit unrelated to Mungo National
Park at times. Throughout the tour he stopped on countless occasions to tell
some aboriginal dreamtime stories and in general just talk about the natural
world that we live in. This was a man who had a lot of big opinions and wasn’t
shy in expressing them. He was a fascinating character and I was very impressed
with his level of intellect. It just goes to show that one shouldn’t stereotype
races of people.
We spent some time exploring the visitor centre and a no
longer used sheep shearing shed (the later which provided some nice photo
opportunities) before heading on to the main course of the trip, the Walls of
China for sunset. This focal point of the national park is made up of a series
of sand dunes stretching for 30km along the south eastern side of Lake Mungo.
Being owned by the local aboriginal people the Walls of China are off limits
for tourists unless one is part of a guided tour. This restriction meant we had
this entire wonderful natural landmark to ourselves. The place really is a
photographers dream. You could spend hours out there taking photos of each of
the thousands of sand filled lunettes, from multiple angles. This area is so
incredibly remote. It is quite an invigorating feeling standing on such an unheralded
natural wonder with not a single bit of
human life anywhere in sight (apart from the rest of the tour group of course!).
This IS Australia at its finest!
However, the most fascinating and entertaining part of the
entire tour centred on a hotel located in Mungo National Park. At the start of
the tour we stopped at the premises to pick up a German couple who were staying
there. I didn’t think too much about the place at the time, but noticed it to
be rather empty. A quick look at the extortionate prices on the restaurant menu
gave a good indication as to the reasons for this. The man sitting at
reception, a Frenchman named Jacques, was acting very strange and didn’t seem
too pleased when I asked could I use the hotel bathroom, almost as if he had
something to hide. On the journey back to Mildura our tour guide provided us
the full uncensored history surrounding the hotel. My face was genuinely numb
from laughter. This is a story that makes Basil Fawlty appear competent in
comparison.
Originally the hotel was a 2 star budget accommodation with
Aboriginal bush tucker (Aussie slang for food) meals, campfire drinking and
sing-a-longs apart of the whole vibe of the place. Tourists flocked in their
droves and the place achieved great business. The local aboriginals came from
far and wide to enjoy a few beverages and the paying customers loved
interacting with them. This was a real Aussie bush experience and a financial
success. Tried and trusted.
Then a bunch of wealthy bored businessmen in Sydney acquired
the hotel and turned it into a 5 star luxury resort. The bush tucker was
scraped and was replaced by an extraordinarily expensive French restaurant.
Alarm bells immediately. If somebody wants French cuisine then a trip to errr….
France would be the most appropriate solution. I can’t possibly think why
somebody travelling out to the back of beyond in Australia to see kangaroos and
outback landscapes would be interested in overpriced pot-au-feu or boudin
blanc. The extortionate prices meant that the hotel was unsurprisingly
attracting very few customers, with that German couple being the first people
to temporarily reside there for a few weeks!
To make matters worse these clueless entrepreneurs hired a
gentleman from France by the name of Jacques (which our tour guide kept
pronouncing as Jacks!) to manage the hotel. This man moved from London to one
of the most isolated places on Earth to take up this role, a level of sanity
which deserves questioning. He was given a very cushy contract with none of his
salary attached to performance. As a result he has no incentive to get
customers in the door. He doesn’t earn more if the place is busy so he does not
want a full establishment. It is in his best interests to push people away as
it means less work for himself. The man has a level of job security that not
even Alex Ferguson enjoys. The result of this is one very rude manager who
spends most of his day sitting around watching TV!
The above mentioned man has also changed the entire vibe of
the place and does not welcome the drinking and good natured fun which used to
be a strong part of the establishment. He is therefore now hated among the
local farmers and aboriginal people and has been known to turn off the
electricity if things get too loud after the 10pm curfew. Who needs Manuel when
you have Jacques?!
After the takeover the owners mounted some sort of gas
related contraption onto the back of the hotel. Only afterwards did they realise
that such an installation was against what was permitted in a UNESCO protected
area. The grave result was the expenditure of a small fortune to replace this
with something more solar based and the hotel is losing something in the range
of six figures a year to keep it running. The result of all of this is a business
which is running at an astonishingly high net loss, a failure of epic
proportions. But the owners won’t pull the plug and feel that success is just
around the corner and are continuing on in blind faith. Our tour guide who is
very highly regarded in the Australian tourist industry has tried to talk sense
into them but they won’t listen. Whoever gave the rubber stamp to this whole
proposal to start with is somebody who could do with watching a few episodes of
Dragon’s Den but it did result in a hysterical story to pass the time on the
trip back to Mildura so we were very thankful for his stupidity.
Since Christmas I haven’t managed to get away anywhere to
explore. However I have my eyes on a trip to Canberra, the nation’s capital, in
July followed by a big 10 day trip to Moscow for the World Athletics
Championships in August. I haven’t been out of Australia in almost a year so I may
as well do it in style with a vodka overlooking the Kremlin. I will make sure
to document all the crazy happenings.
